Temporary Salvation
by Faye Hazel
Summary: This is the story of a boy and a girl who need to be saved more than they know, and this is the story of how they do it. Together.
1. Introduction

**"Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love."**

**— Rainer Maria Rilke**

* * *

Fairytales are at the core of our literary past, but people often scorn them. "Unreal", they say. "That's not what the real world is like." The real world, what is that? I see fairytales in my world. How is my world any more real than theirs?

Maybe they don't like fairytales because they don't want to be disappointed. "Strong" women say to themselves, "I don't need a knight in shining armor to come carry me away. I will save myself." These people are wrong. You can't save yourself, nobody can. Fairytales are half right; every girl needs someone to come sweep them off their feet. However, fairytales are missing half the story. It's not just the boy who saves the girl, the girl saves the boy too. They save each other.

This is the story of a boy and a girl who need to be saved more than they know, and this is the story of how they do it. Together.

* * *

"Shove off, Potter." I said, irritated. "I don't need this right now. Not now." I sighed. Especially not now, not after what had just happened. I didn't want to fight back with him, the usually anger that popped up at his sight was gone. As much as he teased me, he could never make me as mad as the previous hour had. Not that I didn't hate him, like usual. I wasn't growing soft like Alice says. But I never hated him this much, not this rage that filled every part of my body, and refused to be vanquished. Not even Potter could make me angry right now. For the first time in my life, he was second on the list of people I hate.

"Not now, you say. But maybe later…" he said with a sickening face. "I think after all this time I deserve a smooch."

"I think after all this time you deserve a slap across the face." I said, turning and slamming my hand into the side of his head. While he was in a daze, I ran off down the corridor. There was a girl bathroom around the corner, a place James wouldn't follow me. Hopefully.

The bathroom was empty, everyone was still in the Great Hall, dinner had only just started. But I didn't feel like eating. Not after seeing Severus. Not after the things he had said to me, with his "friends" encouraging him. Friends, I scoffed. Bosses, more like it. No good, all of them.

There had been a part of me that had hoped Severus would have valued our friendship a little more. After the conversation from the night previously, I thought he felt sorry for what he said. I might have forgiven him for calling me mudblood, but not for associating, even sympathizing with the people who caused such harm and destruction. Not after I told him so many times how I felt about it. I was never going to forgive him.

Sev had been my best friend, my first friend, in the wizarding world. I had been the first person to reach out to him, after living his horrid life with his family. We had always been there for each other. Why didn't he want to escape that dark world for a lighter one? Why did instead of righting his families mistakes, he go make his own? It made no sense to me. Now as I looked at my closest friend, I was filled with hatred and disgust where their used to be admiration and comradery.

I slipped down onto the floor, and put my head in my hands. I never, ever thought I would hate anyone as much as I hated James Potter. But things, as today had shown me, were subject to change. Sev, poor little Sev, the target of all of James' torturing, was becoming more then just a harmless boy with some dark interests, he was becoming a Death Eater.

* * *

"Well mate, back to the Great Hall, then?" Sirius asked.

"Yeah." James said. "Sure, in a minute."

"Mate, she isn't coming out of there anytime soon." Sirius said, "and you can't go in there after her. Not after last time."

"I know." But James knew there was something wrong here. As much as he had teased her before, she had never let down her guard around him. She was always tough Lily, strong Lily, not going to let you touch me Lily. But here, she had barely retorted back at him. She slapped him, yeah. She had done that plenty before. But the slap hadn't even seemed like it had been intended at him. The usually angry fervor in her eyes was gone, replaced by something else, something hopeless. He had never seen that in her before. If there was something wrong with his Lily, he was going to find out what it was.

"You coming or what?" Sirius had already started down the corridor before he had realized James wasn't following him.

"Nah," James said, resuming his usual swagger. "I've got a stash of Honeydukes up in my room. And I have a letter from my parents I have to respond to. " This was true, and James had only just remembered it. Now he had two things to worry about.

James could see Sirius' eyes falter. "Really? They're back from the mission? Do you need me to come up with you?" Even Sirius, who everyone thought to be the least sensitive of the marauders, knew when the subject of one of their family comes up, it's like walking on eggshells.

"No, I wanna be by myself, you know?" He knew for a fact Sirius did know. It had only been a few weeks ago, when his last letter from his parents arrived, that Sirius had spent the entire afternoon alone in the dormitory, when he could have been out snogging girls.

"Yeah." He said. "See you, Prongs."

"Yeah, seeyah Padfoot."

James felt heavy, his legs like lead. There was always things going wrong for him, but when Lily, perfect Lily was in trouble, things must be bad. Sixth year, the Mauruders had decided, was going to be party year. It was turning into a bit more than that.


	2. Part 1: Absurdity

**"I said this world was absurd, but I was too hasty. This world in itself is not reasonable, that is all that can be said. But what is absurd is the confrontation of this irrational and the wild longing for clarity whose call echoes in the human heart." -Albert Camus, "The Myth of Sisyphus"**

* * *

From the view out my window I could see him, walking around the lake, looking down at his shoes. He always used to do that when we were little. Whenever he felt embarrassed or scared, he would divert his eyes down. It aggravated me, the little things that were still the same, when everything else was so different. The truth is, I missed him like crazy. No matter how odd he had been at times, and how much I hated his friend, there was a part of me that needed him. And now that part was gone, a gaping hole right in the center of me. Right now, I felt like I hated everyone. I didn't, of course, Alice and Marlene and Mary were amazing, they had brought her up breakfast only hours before. But it was easy to overlook the good people in order to mourn the bad ones.

I had never been like this before, I had always managed to get up after I fell. I had plenty of awful weeks before (many Potter-related), but I always looked on the bright side. Today, with the dark skies and cold air, the bright side seemed far far away, unreachable. I was preoccupied by other things as well, besides my boy troubles; I hadn't received my letter from mother yet. Mother was one of those perpetually punctual people that if her schedule was even a tiny bit off would flip out. I always got her letters on Saturday mornings, every Saturday for the last six years. I ran through all the things that could have gone wrong, and caused her to be delayed in responding. She could be sick, or Dad could be sick, or something awful could have happened to Tuny and I never would have made up with her. Homesickness, which I hadn't felt intensely, was rushing over me. Soon enough, I was crying. I never cried, I hadn't in years.

Now I cried not for any one thing in particular, but for everything bad that had happened to every person, and everything I was worrying about. I cried for Sev and James and Marlene's family, who she perpetually worried about, they were all in the order. I cried for my parents, who weren't as young as they used to be. I cried for Frank, who was going through Auror training and who sweet little Alice tried, and failed, to hide her worry for. It was a tough time to be an Auror. Truth be told, it was a tough time to be alive at all. Voldemort. The name set a shiver through my spine. He had been around for a while, but now things were getting really serious. What was going to happen to me? I pulled my covers over me and tried to calm down. However hard I tried, I couldn't stop myself from screwing up my face as tears leaked out every time another awful thought came. It all seemed so pointless sometimes. I lied there for what seemed like hours, my tears drying on my face.

I heard the dormitory door slam open. I lied under my covers apprehensively. "Lils, are you okay?" it was Alice, calming me down immediately. Her motherly voice was always soothing.

"Yeah, I'm fine." My voice was muffled by the covers.

"You aren't though." She said. "I can tell. You don't have to tell me what's wrong; I don't need to put you through explaining it to someone else when you can barely explain it to yourself."

I didn't move.

"I know you feel weak that you are crying. You see other people and say, they have worse problems than me. But truth is, it doesn't matter. You have problems, sometimes you barely know what they are. Just remember it is okay to get upset over them."

I let the impact of her words hit me. She always knew exactly what to say. I wish I was the same.

"Thanks." I said, sitting up.

Alice looked like there was something else she wanted to say, but didn't have the courage.

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing, I was just wondering, no, but it's not the time." She stopped suddenly.

"C'mon. I'm fine now. What do you want to know?"

She smiled slyly. "Just, why. With James. Why won't you go out with him? He's crazy about you. I've never seen any guy look at anyone girl like he looks at you."

This question took me by surprise. We had talked about this before.

"I've told you. He's an arrogant scumbag, and doesn't care about anybody but himself. You know, you agree with me. Don't you?" Why was this coming up all of a sudden?

"It's just today, at breakfast, he came up to me and asked me if you are okay. He looked sincere. I've never seen him care about another person like that, aside from his mauruader friends or whatever. I just think you need to find out why."

"Why, what?"

"Why he cares so much about you. You know his gang, they chase different girls every day. Sirius, his best friend, shags another girl every other night. For him, Why has it been you, all this time? Not that you aren't absolutely amazing and everything, but there must be something else besides the fact you are pretty and smart and hard to get."

Truthfully, I had never thought of this before. I tried not to give James Potter more thought then was necessary. Why did he keep going after me? If I was going to guess, I would think James Potter would be the kind of guy who needed a daft girl with him all the time, not a girl like me. Why, even after I told him a million times I would never go out with him, did he continue pursuing me?

"You have a fair point." I said, sitting taller, and looking at Alice.

She smiled her amazing motherly smile. "I just think you aren't giving him enough of a chance. He was friends with Frank before he graduated. Frank thought highly of him." She blushed slightly at the mention of Frank, but kept going. "Mary and Marlene agree, even he deserves a chance to explain himself."

I smiled. "Marlene probably only agreed because if I go out with James she would have a clear path to Sirius."

Alice laughed, "Maybe, but she has her heart in the right spot. She wants what is best for you. We all do."

I was struck by this, and I sat for a while thinking about how I lucked out getting such great friends. "Thank you. So, so so much. I love you guys." I stood up and gave Alice a hug.

"So, will you talk to him?"

I thought about it, it was true that even James Potter should get the chance to explain himself. Not that giving people a chance to explain themselves had worked out in the past.. Now the thought of Sev brought me back to the dark place. What would he think, when he found out I was about to initiate contact with Potter, and attempt to have an actual conversation with him?

I will not think about Sev, I thought. It doesn't matter what he thinks, he is out of my life. However, as much as I thought this, it would never be fully true. I would never be really free of him.

* * *

"Oh Lily Evans, Why do you do this to me?" thought James, from his perch under the beech tree on the edge of the lake. He had hidden himself behind the tree, so nobody in the castle could see him there. He was alone, for the first time in a long time, because Sirius had detention by himself, and Wormtail and Moony were studying in the library. He watched the rippling water, and the clouds quickly moving in the sky, hoping they would somehow divulge their secrets to him, so he could go on with his usual life as the carefree troublemaker king-of-the-school unburdened by all these things he was feeling. It was so damn hard sometimes, loving this girl, not knowing completely why, and not knowing why she refused to even speak to him. What was he supposed to do?

He sat alone for a while, but then he heard the scuffling of feet on the ground. Hoping it wasn't a gang of girls that often came after him, he turned his head.

"Hey, Prongs, you okay?" It was Remus, alone and covered by a giant coat.

"Um, yeah, thanks Moony." He tried to manage a small smile.

"C'mon James, you can't fool a fellow marauder. I know there is something wrong. Or two things, because of your parents. "

"My parents, yeah. I guess we can just assume they are always a problem." James tried to laugh, but it came out more like a groan.

"Hey, I don't blame you. Having parents that are top-notch Aurors, it must be scary. Believe me, I understand. Constant danger."

"Hey, you have worse problems. Your parents have been personal enemies of Fenrir Greyback, their lives aren't even risk free either. I shouldn't complain my parents always come home." said James quietly.

Both of them let that statement sit in the air. James hadn't meant to say it, thanking God silently that Wormtail hadn't been around to hear it.

"Just because other people have problems, doesn't mean you can't. Anyways, I came down here for a reason. What is really going on?"  
James didn't really know how to answer that question.

"Well, Lily." He said. "It's just so frustrating, what I feel for her. It's so strong and so amazing, but also stinks, you know? Here are you all, having fun with girls, and here is me, the only girl I would ever want to fool around with hating my guts. I'm just not used to so many feelings, I guess. It's just everything about her, she is so fucking perfect. And then there's me, the big arrogant Quidditch guy who everyone loves, while the only girl I care about loving me back is way too good for me. I just feel so trapped in feelings. I just don't understand why it can't just all make sense for once."

Remus looked at James for a very long time, and then sighed. "I don't think that's weird. I think it's beautiful. Everyone wants to be in love like that, and you are. She'll come round someday. Just keep trying."

For some reason, when Remus said that, James took it to heart.

"Yeah, I won't give up." He said grinning. "I'm going to think up something wicked romantic and then she'll have to say yes. I'm going to go get my broom. I always am amazed at my own brilliant thoughts when I play Quidditch."

Remus smiled. Old James was back.


End file.
